i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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