Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am midnight drunk by noon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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