my sisters under your porch take her home
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So much rum. So many feels.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Randomize
