i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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