The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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