There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
