apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
