He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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