So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize