I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
