Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
