all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Send help, water and tortillas.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
