so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
