his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
