It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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