Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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