I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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