You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hippo gnu deer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
