Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize