i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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