when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
