It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
