I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
