The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
