My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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