sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
