he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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