my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
