he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize