The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
