She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
