I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
