I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize