i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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