This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
