UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
