i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
