I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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