Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
