she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
