well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
