he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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