And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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