He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
