My first STD was from a foam party
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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