I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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