Me too!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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