there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
