Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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