i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
