my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
