You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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