He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
