We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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