I wannas sexs uuuuu
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
