I'm going to jail i love you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
