I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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