You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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