I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
