I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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