Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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