I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Even my vagina gasped.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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