Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
